At the end of the day...

I haven't posted anything in several days, mostly because I didn't know how to approach it anymore. Friday night was a struggle with the youth. They were very rowdy, and it seemed like they just wanted to hang out and talk. So, that's what they did. The whole night, there was probably five minutes of silence...out of the hour and a half we were there. A study that could have taken 45 minutes with two exegetical pieces, two discussions, and small groups took over an hour and a half. I know that they aren't used to any of this, at the least, but it seems like much of the chaos is coming from the leaders. Most of them are running around getting snacks ready, out on the field, or just not in there. If the leaders aren't sitting down listening or helping, then why in all the world would the kids do so? This matter needs to be approached and handled with much care. I went home after the youth night and had to relax, so I went and just sat in the pool in view of the clouds and stars. It's unlike anything else. The beauty of the clouds and radiance of the stars are somehow overlooked or overcast anywhere else, but here, they are brilliant. It was very peaceful. As I returned to my study, I realized the real root of the issue with the youth. I began to write in my journal, and within just the first few sentences, I found "I" over five times. "I need to do....","I have to go....", "I've got to plan...". Catch my drift? I've been so self-centered and worried about how "I" am supposed to do things, I forgot that we serve a God that rules all things, and He alone can save. I'm not cut out for this, I do not have His grace, I do not have the strength, I do not have the will...God created for this purpose, God is abounding in grace, God is all powerful, and God's will is perfect. In view of this, I desparately opened myself to Him. I spent much needed time in His Word and in prayer. At the end of the day, Christ was victorious even through my own efforts.
Saturday, we went to the movies with a few of the youth and really had a great time. We got home and all jumped in the pool and again, had a great time. I was totally wiped when they left and I went to my room. I spent some time with God, and after, I laid down to sleep...but nothing happened. I found myself totally exhausted, but unable to sleep! I laid there for what seemed like days just trying to fall asleep, but still, nothing! At this, I became irritated and prayed for rest, but it was not apart of God's will that I just sleep. Instead, He told me to sit up. As I tried to reason with God, I finally gave in and sat up. I expected a word from Him or a vision of some sort, but after many moments of a clear head and a quiet heart, nothing...I didn't really know what was going on, but still, I obeyed because, well, He is God. After a long time, I felt God giving me rest. It was now in the wee hours of the morning, and Sunday baptisms and service were just ahead. After a couple hours of sleep, I woke up and started getting ready. As I was doing so, The Lord spoke to me in some sort of a parable. He said to me:

There was once a king, holy and righteous before the Lord,

God reached down in view of His goodness and placed Him at the throne to His right hand,

But the king tried to overtake God with His own power,

So, God threw the king back down into a perverse land

so he could see his fault and come back to Him.

Immediately God revealed to me the meaning of this. I am the king! God moves in marvelous ways and can move through me to do great things for His name, but as I try to lead, I resort to my own strength and knowledge. So, God humbles me so I may come back to Him. Incredible!! This issue has set the pace for this summer. It is not my ideas, my strength, my leadership, or my will that will determine this summer, but it is all God's! He is the only one cut out for this, so why not let Him be God?!

It is truly marvelous to be apart of the Lord's work, but cannot be in part but of the whole, meaning we cannot partly devote ourselves to the leadership of God. We must fully devote ourselves to His teachings and leadership if He is to ever move in our lives.